


How not to introduce your not-boyfriend to your not-dads

by Still Invincible (Tocsin)



Series: The 'Not' Series [1]
Category: Marvel
Genre: M/M, Making Out, Pseudo-Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-08
Updated: 2011-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-25 20:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tocsin/pseuds/Still%20Invincible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He’s pretty sure Deadpool threw the line ‘We have the best asses in this universe! We need to team up and fight crime!’ at him at some mortifying point"</p>
            </blockquote>





	How not to introduce your not-boyfriend to your not-dads

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in some universe SOMEWHERE I don’t even know man. I am not good at this canon thing. Just know that Peter’s probably around 20 and Deadpool is still far too old for him. Hope the format isn't too bad. Posted straight from my Tumblr and this is my first time posting at AO3

Peter still isn’t sure just how this relationship… Thing with Deadpool started, exactly. He’s pretty sure Deadpool threw the line ‘We have the best asses in this universe! We need to team up and fight crime!’ at him at some mortifying point but that doesn’t really matter right now. What matters is that making out with him on Peter’s couch is quickly becoming his new favorite after work activity. It wins out over pizza and a movie with the Avengers any night. Not that he’d tell them that of course.

Deadpool- No wait, _Wade_. It’s Wade when they’re on the couch. Kissing Wade was different from kissing anyone else which he honestly should have expected. He’s a one of a kind type of person. At the start it was weird as hell. The scars took a lot of getting used to but where he was impatient in all other things Wade actually gave him the time to get over and then get used to them. Now they’re just another sensation to add to the whole experience, the ridges and dips skidding over his fingers pleasantly as he cups the back of Wade’s head. 

The no hair thing had thrown him at first too. For some reason he’d been picturing him with unruly red hair and that was one of the most disappointing things Peter had ever experienced when Wade’s mask had come completely off for the first time. It broke his heart when he’d been told that Deadpool had brown hair. He didn’t even have eyelashes though which made the fact that he could pull off the most pathetic wounded puppy dog look a complete mystery. There had to be sorcery involved. All in all he should be finding himself completely disgusted by him but he just… Wasn’t. It was weird and wonderful and he was really loving it especially when Wade’s tongue was trying to go down his throat. 

He wasn’t sure when he ended sitting in his lap or when exactly Wade’s gloves had come off but his hands were sliding gently down his sides, making him squirm and that needed to stop soon or he was going to bust out laughing. Pulling out of the kiss made Deadpool growl and that wasn’t supposed to be adorable. It wasn’t. 

“What? Why are we stopping? Don’t tell me you’re about to start yelling ‘Bad Touch!’ because I’ve been a good boy and I’m not even trying to go under you’re costume yet.” 

He raised an eyebrow “Not yet, huh?”

“Yes yet! You don’t just stick your hands up someone’s shirt. You gotta work up to it. I was working.” He was pouting and Peter wanted to go back to kissing already. 

“I’m ticklish. So if you’re going to work, work harder.” He regretted both of those sentences as soon as they left his mouth. That look on Wade’s face meant mischief was coming and that wasn’t good for anyone or their carpets. 

“Wait Wade don’t-!” 

But of course, he’s Deadpool and that means anything you say he does the opposite. It’s just his nature. He started to actually tickle Peter and somehow did it while keeping him from falling out of his lap while he twisted away from his fingers, laughing. He kept it up for what seemed like an eternity but was probably more like the longest ninety seconds of his life. Then his warm hands did end up under the top of his costume, making his laughter cut of with a stuttered gasp as they scratched lightly at his abs. 

“So Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater…” Wade’s grin was wide and smug “Do you think that was enough hard work? Am I free to grope at you now” 

He answered between gasps. The bastard could have let him gotten his breathe back first “I don’t know. You tell me. Is that your stupid utility belt poking me or are you just happy to see me?” 

The grin changed to more of a leer “Oh Petes. The answer is always both” And that was horrible so Peter had to kiss him again to get him to stop. 

He promptly forgot time again which really was a bad habit but damned if he could help it. Wade’s hands were strong under his shirt and now that he wasn’t in fear of being tickled again he could enjoy the way they roamed, the occasional touch to his nipples making his hips twitch. He could do this all night. He could do just this for the rest of his  _life_. They didn’t even have to have sex, which that hadn’t done yet but Peter was really looking forward to. They could just sit here forever and he’d be happy. He should have known that line of thinking would lead to ruin.

His spider sense gave him a split second warning before there was a loud gasp and two thuds behind him. He and Deadpool separated while the world stood still for a few seconds. A sense of dread was setting his stomach and Peter had to turn his head to see who had been able to come in without Wade and him noticing. He really should have known better. 

Tony and Steve were there, Steve managing to look both scandalized and disapproving at the same time. Tony just looked surprised, his hands still opened from where the box of pizza and DVD had slipped out. He jumped out of Deadpool’s lap quickly, watching him put his mask back on from the corner of his eye

“Cap! Tony! Hey!” Peter had to wince at his own voice. It was completely wrecked, edged with panic. “I wasn’t expecting you guys over tonight.” 

Tony’s eyes were tracking between him and Wade, brows knitting together with a frown “Yeah, that’s pretty obvious” 

“Peter! Just- What?” Now Steve was looking practically betrayed and that wasn’t fair at all.

“Ok I guess you guys need a moment huh?” Wade stood, shoving his hands in his gloves. He was going to leave him alone with them wasn’t he _oh god._

“Deadpool you can’t leave! Don’t you even dare!” He reached for merc because if he had to suffer so did he. But he easily side stepped him and ran to one of Peter’s opened windows. He really needed to learn shut those after he got in but Deadpool was damn distracting.

“Sorry, you’re going to have to explain this to your pseudo-parents, not me.” Tony sputtered and Wade gave him a jaunty salute.

“I’d really love to stay and chat but I was supposed to be at Weasel’s place like ten minutes ago so I’ll just let you guys hug it out or whatever it is you all do in this situations. Text me later Spidey!” He blew him a quick kiss and ducked out the window, ignoring Peter’s indignant shriek of ‘Traitor’ that followed.

Silence reigned in the apartment and Peter almost started hoping that they would just leave him alone to stew in his embarrassment but Steve cleared his throat.

“Now Peter…”

“Oh god we don’t really have to talk about this do we?” He was pleading, giving them the puppy dog eyes he was learning from Wade. Obviously he hadn’t quite picked up the magic of it because Steve pursed his lips and Tony frowned even more.

“Peter. Sit. _Now.”_

And like a good son, Peter sat.


End file.
